woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
