how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
