Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
