Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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