new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
