I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
