I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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