apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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