My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
