There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
