She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
