remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
