did you get engaged???
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i now understand why vodka
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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