at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
