Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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