Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
