Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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