i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
