Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
