I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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