I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
