I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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