it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
