I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
