I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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