in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
