my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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