the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
