I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
did you just send me my own nude
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
