names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
