My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
