he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
