I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
