Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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