She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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