When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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