You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
