help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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