he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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