My room smells like vodka and shame
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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