Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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