My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
