I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
