I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
