If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
