So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
