So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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