About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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