someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
