So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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