The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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