God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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