you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
