Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
