i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
