btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
