what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
