I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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