just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize