i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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