I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
