just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
