Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
