Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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