There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
