our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
