Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
