omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the day after is always just damage control
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
