glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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