I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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