M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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