If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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