Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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