Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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