He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
