i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(