He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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