Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.