I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.