I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
