I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
