We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
