oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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